"but the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself..."

"...And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous.” -satc.

Well Ms. Bradshaw, that's not the easiest thing to figure out. We live in a society that focuses more on what we want than what we have. We change ourselves to fit into something that we think that we want, or that we think will be better. I've done it - guilty as charged. In all honesty, I have yet to see it work out well.

I used to apply this same ideology to something destructive - relationships. Both romantic relationships and friendships. I was always changing who I was and what I (thought) I wanted to fit the situation I was in, rather than the other way around. I won't go into the gory details, but it never worked out in my favor. I cycled through friendships and relationships unable to figure out what was wrong. I had no idea who I was, where I was going and what I wanted to do. Going into my first year of college, I was lost and in denial, which is a less than ideal situation.

I stopped focusing on what other people wanted, and tried to figure out good ol' me first. Throughout college, I got to know myself, and I was able to understand what I wanted and needed, and then do it. I loved my school, my friends, my family, and my future, and never once did I feel like I was missing anything. I had a newfound confidence. I could move to London if I wanted to! I could go to law school on the East Coast! I could study for the LSAT for 12 hours straight! (Not sure I ever would, but still). Totally liberating.

After that little epiphany, everything clicked. My sister and I became closer than I can even describe; a best friend that was right in front of my face and it wasn't until I was confident enough in myself that I could overlook the petty fights and jealously we battled all through high school. I met my best friend in the entire world (not my sister) at community college (that I had previously been embarrassed to be attending) who I adore. Through her, I formed another best friend, and the two of them constantly remind me how blessed we all are to know each other. Those three girls will change over time, but not because we have to in order to stay friends.

It wasn't until I was stuck up in a study room on the top of Lucas Hall at Santa Clara University watching a finance/accounting guy do LSAT logic games with me for 3 hours and actually enjoy himself that romance began to make a little bit more sense. I'm not changing anything about myself or my life to fit my relationship because I don't have to. Yes, there have been some compromises and yes, there will be more - but I no longer worry about losing my relationship with myself.

Turns out, when you've found the right ones, friends, family and relationships all overlap. Friends become family or relationships, family and relationships become friends. And that's exactly how it should be.

Here's the whole quote:

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous.” - Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City.

C.

"Wedding Season" is gonna last much longer than it's name claims.

WEDDING SEASON!...I have no clue what that means. I think it's the highly-educated observation that more people tend to get married in April-October than any of the other months. Regardless of when this over-publicized ideal of "wedding season" is, it's definitely been going on for the last few years of my life. So many of my friends have been getting engaged and then married (as the logical sequence of events go), while I'm still longing for the days when losing at tetherball to your best friend was probably the worst thing that could EVER happen to you. I look back on those times wishing I could be a kid again and not have to worry about money, or responsibility (though I probably wouldn't play tetherball again...hitting a ball on a string kinda makes me feel like a cat). When did everyone jump on the marriage train and why am I still looking for Platform 9 and 3/4? (You know you love the HP reference).

Don't get me wrong - I LOVE WEDDINGS. In fact, love might be the understatement of the year. I'm the kind of cliche girl that will buy the $10 bridal magazines long before being engaged, or even being in a relationship. I'll read them into early hours of the morning, drooling over the stolen-from-a-postcard locations, the out-of-any-normal-person's-price range dresses and the probably-photoshopped-but-not-enough-for-me-to-care bouquet arrangements. I take note of things I see and want for my own wedding (however many years away that may be). A bridal magazine is the equivalent of a car magazine with prettier colors and more description. Some people might call this obsessive or weird, but I call it good planning. And, by the way, there are very few women you will meet that haven't thought about at least one detail of their future wedding. It's in our blood. Lucky for me, my best friend loves weddings just as much as I do and my boyfriend, bless his wonderful heart, never yells at me when I accidentally tune him out while flipping through my magazine. Part of that is my inability to multi-task, and part of it is my true wedding fetish.

My love for weddings doesn't translate into a desire to get married immediately. I was talking with a few of my girlfriends after graduation and my friend Annie asked "why do people always assume your relationship gets way more serious after you graduate college?!" It's totally true. The second we picked up that deceivingly empty diploma on stage, people are asking about engagements, move-in dates, and wedding locations. Woooaahh, cool those jets!. I'm still learning how to apply for jobs, let alone marriage licenses!

I definitely will get married (see paragraph 4 for repeated confirmation), but I have a good 50+ years to spend married. Right now, I'm happy with my new job, my new apartment, and my newly made-over life. I probably won't be walking down the aisle within the next year (knowing me, it'll take me that long just to plan the damn thing), but I know when the timing is what I call "movie perfect", it'll happen. Until then, I'll continue enjoying swooning over my friend's wedding photos on Facebook (Joshua & Brooke Ziel's wedding in Mexico has induced the most swooning so far) and collect tidbits for my own dream wedding. I can't wait for all our closest friends to tie the knot and start the big time celebrations. It's barely even begun.

For all you wedding lovers like me, this website is drool-worthy.
http://www.theknot.com/

C.